Unsolicited Advice….Somebody Stop Me!

Life is full of lessons, tests and challenges.  Some of these we sail through with flying colors because they are easy and we tackle them joyfully.  We have all passed quite a few of these lessons and continue to do so as we live each day.   However, there are some life lessons we fail miserably.  In that case, you are doomed to repeat them over and over again until it finally sinks in… or the light bulb in your head goes off and you say, “I get it!”  This is how we garnish wisdom and understanding in life…..by trial and error.  Experience comes from making lots and lots of mistakes.  Wisdom comes from learning from these mistakes.  So far, I have lots of experience…..(Who said that?...lol.)

I asked a friend for advice last week regarding a website.  After he answered my question, for some strange reason, I felt the need to give him, “unsolicited advice,” or something out of left field he didn’t see coming.  Why did I do that?  It had nothing to do with what I asked him.  He didn’t ask me for my opinion.  Why did I feel the need to say something to him that was completely none of my business?  Did I hurt him?  I don’t know.  It definitely wasn’t my intention.  So why did I do it?

I am very comfortable speaking my mind, especially if I think it can help someone.  Most of the time, when people give unsolicited advice, they mean well.  They think they can help in some way.  It’s a nurturing instinct or the need to take care of someone or a situation.  The desired consequence is usually meant to be positive.  However, even if the intent is to help, the receiver of the advice may not perceive it that way, and the advice may end up hurting someone’s feelings.  I can give a recent example.  A woman I know just lost her husband of almost sixty years.  She’s been in her home “grieving” with the blinds and shades down.  Another neighbor called her and asked if she was okay because she noticed everything was closed so tight.  That was a very nice thing to do, show concern for a neighbor.  However, the woman kept going saying that she should raise her blinds because it looks as if she is “depressed,” which upset the grieving woman.  Again, I’m sure the advice was well-meaning, but it wasn’t taken that way.   Of course, there is always the example of the mother-in-law that tells her daughter-in-law to “put a sweater on that baby.”  Advice that is not asked for, or the person is not expecting advice from you, is not okay….even if you mean well. 

**I had to write it 100 times on a whiteboard so it would sink in….”I will not give unsolicited advice.”

Okay....I had a little help!

According to John Gray, who writes the Mars/Venus books, men and women give and receive advice differently.   Women love to give advice to other women, for that is what they seek.    Women love to talk and solve their problems together.  Men on the other hand, try to solve their problems on their own and will not seek out advice unless they specifically ask for it.  A good rule of thumb for giving advice is to only give advice to those who ask for it.  Then it is okay.  How do you stop from giving unsolicited advice? 

Well….you can try putting tape over your mouth but that won’t stop your fingers from typing! 

I'll admit....I just wanted to see what it was like to put tape over my sister's mouth...lol

Actually, it is a very hard to stop giving unsolicited advice.  Why?  Because you have to consciously think of not doing so before you speak.  You need to be aware of what you are about to say and think of the consequences before the words actually leave your mouth.  It requires your mind to be very present.  It can be done.  Just hear Mom’s words in your head,  ”Think before you speak.”  Remember that all actions have reactions.  Never underestimate the power  of your words. 

References:

Gray, John, Ph.D., Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Harper Collins Books, New York 1992

Every Day Can Be Earth Day! 10 Things You Can Do……

1.        Plant a tree or tend a garden.

2.       Stop using plastic bags and find a place near you that recycles them.  Bring your own reusable bags when you shop.

3.       Stop buying plastic water bottles.  Buy BPA free-lined stainless bottles instead.

4.       Use dark sky lighting.

5.       Put power strips on your appliances and turn them off at night or when not in use.

6.       Support your local farms.

7.       Condense your shopping trips.

8.       Recycle as much as possible.  Consult your town guidelines for items such as batteries, paints and medicines.

9.       Donate some of your time to community sponsored cleanup projects.

10.   If you can walk somewhere instead of taking a car, do it!

I'm Featured in the "Who's Cooking" Section of Newsday!

**COPY FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CANNOT READ IT ONLINE.....

CHRISTINE SEGAL

Lives in Mount Sinai with her husband, Jeffrey, and children, Michelle, who's in college, and Paul, a high school senior. Founded Inner Beauty Workshops, a wellness-coaching business, six months ago.

What's your cooking style? It's natural. When my husband became ill about four years ago, I decided to get even more healthy. I did an enormous amount of research.

What did you change? We no longer eat white sugar, white flour, white pasta. No simple carbs. I've substituted with honey and whole-wheat flour. I switched to organic. I joined a CSA , Golden Earthworm Farms, and I go to Sang Lee Farms [on the North Fork] in season. It's not like at the supermarket, where something has traveled thousands of miles. It's good for the local economy, too.

Are there specific books you'd recommend? "What's in Your Food" -- it's a little guide to everything in your food. Another good book is "Nourishing Traditions," by Sally Fallon. I have hundreds of books, though.

What's your food heritage? I'm half-Greek and half-Italian, so I cook a lot of both. My mom's a really good cook. What's really impressive about my mom's cooking is she never uses a recipe. Now I just have to get her to use the grass-fed beef.

What's the next food frontier for you? Fermenting. When you ferment vegetables, you're creating your own probiotics. You're preserving, but you're also creating friendly bacteria that's good for your digestive system. I have some fermenting now -- carrots. You put carrot sticks in a Mason jar with filtered water, garlic, a little sea salt, dill and kefir. You secure the top and leave it in a dark corner of the kitchen for a week, or longer. The carrots are delicious and more digestible.

Chicken vino bianco
4 tablespoons olive oil
3 pieces boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, organic or pasture-raised, cut into small chunks
1½ cups whole wheat flour seasoned with sea salt and pepper (for gluten-free, use coconut flour)
1/4 cup organic butter, divided
2 tablespoons chopped green onion
1/2 cup diced vine-ripened tomato
1/2 cup chopped red onion
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 tablespoon chopped fresh garlic
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 pound spaghetti-style rice pasta (or whole-wheat)
Sea salt and pepper, to taste

1. Heat oil in large saute pan.
2. Dust chicken in seasoned flour. Cook chicken on both sides until done (no longer pink inside). Remove chicken from pan and set aside.
3. Add 2 tablespoons butter to pan. Add green onion, diced tomato, red onion, mushrooms, garlic, chopped parsley, crushed red pepper and salt. Saute 3 minutes, stirring constantly.
4. Return chicken to pan. Add white wine, lemon juice and remaining butter and allow to come to a boil.
5. Meanwhile, cook pasta according to package directions. Add drained cooked pasta to the chicken and vegetable mixture, toss together to serve. Serve with a nice side salad. Makes 4 servings.

**Here is the link to the actual article:

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-life/who-s-cooking-christine-segal-1.2808550

Powerhouse Spring Foods & Fajita Recipe

I cannot stress the importance of eating foods that are “in season.”  It is where you will get the most bang for your buck and the most nutrients for your body.  It is wise to eat warmer foods (such as foods that are grilled, roasted, steamed or baked) during the fall and winter when your body’s internal temperature is colder, and cooler foods during spring and summer when your body temperature is warmer.  This will balance out your digestive tract, which is the best way to absorb nutrients.  It is when your body is nutrient starved, that it retains extra weight.  Therefore, it is important to pay attention to the foods that are grown during each season.  The local farms are beginning to open, such as Sang Lee Farms in Peconic , Garden of Eve Farm and Briermere Farms in Riverhead.  Why not take a drive out to visit and see what they currently have for sale.  Here is what you may find:

Spring Seasonal Produce Chart - Northeast
Arugula Asparagus Carrots (late spring) Chard Fava Beans Garlic scrapes Herbs (for example cilantro) Lettuce	Mint Mushrooms Nettles Parsnips Pea Greens Radishes Rhubarb Scallions Strawberries (very late spring)

This is also a great time of the year to begin planting your vegetable garden.  I have weeded and “turned the dirt” of my own garden.  I also started planting some cilantro, which is a one of my favorite herbs. 

Cilantro looks very similar to flat leafed parsley.  However, you can clearly tell them apart by the smell.  According to the book, The World’s Healthiest Foods, by George Mateljan, cilantro “contains numerous phytonutrients with antioxidant power including flavonoids such as quercetin, kaempferol, rhamnetin and apigenin and the phenolic acid compounds, caffeic and chlorogenic acid.”  What this all adds up to is some astounding health benefits.  In addition to its antioxidant properties, cilantro is also a blood cleaner.  How cool is this…it can help the body get rid of heavy metals such as mercury, lead and aluminum.  I remember watching a very impressive and interesting video by Jerry Brunetti, a man who cured his own terminal cancer.  He included as part of his protocol eating a handful of cilantro every day. (http://www.nuganics.com.au/2007/07/06/jerry-brunetti-food-as-medicine/)   I try to grow my own cilantro and incorporate it into as many dishes as I can.  A word of caution, cilantro is a medicinal herb and should not be overdone.  If you are using it for medicinal purposes, it is wise to ask your doctor the exact dose that is right for you.  Cilantro is wonderful in many ethnic culinary dishes.  I have a lot of fun experimenting with the herb in my kitchen…..

 I decided to share with you a delicious recipe that contains cilantro.  I use cilantro two ways in this dish, once in the marinade and also as a garnish.  This recipe can easily be gluten-free, depending on the tortillas you buy.  Please read the ingredient list and select tortillas that are organic and contain no genetically modified ingredients.  I used brown rice tortillas for this recipe.  Since there is so much flexibility in this dish, you can omit the meat and make it vegetarian, if you desire.

Fajitas – The Healthy Way

Marinade

½ cup good quality olive oil

¼ cup red wine vinegar

¼ cup fresh lime juice

1/3 cup chopped scallion

½  tsp. honey

1 tsp. oregano

1 tsp. ground cumin

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/3 cup fresh cilantro

Sea salt & pepper to taste

1lb boneless chicken breast, sliced or flank steak, sliced for stir fry

1 organic red pepper, sliced into strips

1 organic green pepper, sliced into strips

1 organic yellow pepper, sliced into strips

1 large onion, sliced into strips

Sprouted whole wheat tortillas or brown rice tortillas (if gluten free)

Garnish: Organic tomatoes, avocado, raw cheese, organic lettuce

You can start this recipe either early in the morning or the night before serving it.  Combine all the marinade ingredients together in a glass bowl and whisk until blended.  It will be chunky.  Slice the peppers and onions into strips and put in a bowl.  Slice the meat and put in a separate bowl.  Divide the marinade in half and put half on the onion/pepper bowl and the other half over the meat.  Mix each bowl until items are coated with the juices of the marinade.  Cover and refrigerate.

The next day or later in the day, preheat skillet to medium high heat and add your meat of choice.  Stir fry until meat is done.  Add the bowl of onions/peppers to the skillet and continue to stir fry at medium high heat until the veggies are to your liking.  Arrange on top of tortilla and add toppings or garnishes  of your choice.

FOR ADDITIONAL  SPRING RECIPES, PLEASE ORDER MY EBOOK!  THE COST IS ONLY $5.  http://www.innerbeautyworkshops.com/id70.html

HAPPY SPRING!!

REFERENCES

http://ezinearticles.com/?Amazing-Health-Benefits-of-Cilantro---The-Mega-Benefits-of-Eating-Fresh-Cilantro&id=1005298

http://www.nuganics.com.au/2007/07/06/jerry-brunetti-food-as-medicine/

Mateljan, George, The World’s Healthiest Foods, “Seattle: George Mateljan Foundation, 2007”

Milk Baby Milk.......

Years ago, when I first started reading about how many chemicals there were in our food, personal care products, cleaners, water, air….you name it, I was shocked.  I would read something and then put the material down to digest it, not to mention get the shocked look off my face.  Once I resumed reading, the next shock would hit….one after another, shock after shock.  In those days I usually walked around bewildered.  Today, rarely anything has that effect on me.  I have become shockproof, or so I thought, until the idea came to me for this blog post.  The subject was to write about the chemicals in baby/toddler bubble bath soap.  It has been a very long time since I’ve bathed a baby, as my youngest is heading off to college in the fall.  However, something perplexed me to write.  Given that it had been at least 15 years since I looked at baby bath products, I was absolutely stunned when I saw the ingredients!  I haven’t had a “peel me off the floor” episode in so many years.  I forgot what it felt like.  WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So here it goes…..

Did you know that your skin is your biggest organ?  And, not only that, is super absorbent and sucks everything that you put on it into your body.  When we take a bath, our skin is absorbing the water in the tub as well as everything we put in the tub.  For instance, if we put some olive oil in our bathwater, it will get absorbed into our system.  If we put chemicals in the bath water our biggest organ will suck that into our body as well.  Our skin does not play favorites.   Now, if we bathe our baby or toddler in baby bath products that contain chemicals, it enters his/her bloodstream.   Scary!!  Another problem with chemicals in bath water is that young children frequently put their fingers in their mouths.  Hence, in addition to a nice dose of chemicals being absorbed via the skin, the child is also ingesting chemicals via the mouth.

 I decided to check the ingredients of a bubble bath soap from a very popular baby brand….Guess who??!!  Can I just say, “Holy s$it!!!”  Now, as I list the ingredients, you can scream or I may have to peel you off the floor as well:

Baby Bubble Bath & Wash

Ingredients:  Water, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, PEG-80 Sorbitan Laurate, Sodium Trideceth Sulfate, Acrylates Copolymer, Glycerin, Disodium Lauroamphodiacetate, Phenoxyethanol, Glycol Distearate, Fragrance, Tetrasodium EDTA, Laureth-4, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Polyquaternium-7, May also contain Sodium Hydroxide.

Since I cannot pronounce these chemicals, let’s take a look at this chart:

NAME: Cocamidopropyl Betaine	PURPOSE: Surfactant	POTENTIAL EFFECTS: Allergic reactions
PEG-80 Sorbitan Laurate	Surfactant	May contain harmful impurities linked to cancer or gastrointestinal or liver toxicity hazards
Sodium Trideceth Sulfate	Wetting agent	Not assessed for safety
Acrylates Copolymer	Film forming agent, antistatic agent	Skin irritation
Disodium Lauroamphodiacetate	Surfactant, used for skin cleaning	This has not been assessed for safety
Phenoxyethanol	Preservative	Potential for reduced fertility, classified as toxic and an irritant, linked to cancer
Glycol Distearate	Skin conditioner, controlling thickness of product	Limited or no toxicity information available
Fragrance	Scent	Who knows what chemicals this consists of or their possible effects
Tetrasodium EDTA	Chelating agent	Skin irritation, eye toxicity, kidney or renal system failure
Laureth-4	Surfactant, emulsifying	Irritation: eyes, skin or lungs
Methylparaben	Preservative	Endocrine disruptor, increased risk for certain cancers, itching, burning and blistering of skin
Propylparaben	Preservative	Asthma, allergic reactions, skin redness, itching and swelling, hives, anaphylaxis
Polyquaternium-7	Control’s static electricity and leaves skin feeling soft	May link to cancer

·          Surfactant (surface active agent) can be defined as an emulsifier, foaming agent, solubilizer, wetting agent or cleanser.

HOW CAN ANYONE RECOMMEND PUTTING A CHILD IN BATH WATER FULL OF THESE CHEMICALS?

I bet you’re wondering, “How can this happen?”   I hate to break this to you, but the FDA does NOT regulate the cosmetic industry.  The government granted self-regulation to the Cosmetic, Toiletries and Fragrance Association (CFTA) in 1938.  This gives manufacturers “cart blanche” to use whatever chemicals they want without providing safety tests to the public.  Even scarier, since we see the individual effects of each chemical listed above, can you imagine the synergistic effects of this toxic soup? 

NOW HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS??!!......YOU HAVE A CHOICE!  The beauty of choice is that there are alternatives!    Your child will enjoy his/her own baths just as much, if not more, if you put items in the bathwater that you can find in your own kitchen.  These items are safe, non-toxic and cheap!  My favorite is milk, organic of course!  Cleopatra was known for taking milk baths, which gave her soft, radiant skin.  You can add a drop of an essential oil, such as lemon or orange, to make the water smell really nice.  A milk bath can be made into a fun game to play with your child.  Once milk is poured into the tub, the water will turn opaque.  You can hide items such as bath toys under the water and make your child reach and try and find them.  In addition, you can crack your child up if you play dress up (i.e. Cleopatra) as he/she takes a bath or maybe crack yourself up….LOL

 Other items you can put in the bath water are olive oil or minced oatmeal.  There are numerous organic body care books available.  My personal favorite is Organic Body Care Recipes, 175 Homemade Herbal Formulas for Glowing Skin & a Vibrant Self, by Stephanie Tourles (http://www.amazon.com/Organic-Body-Care-Recipes-Formulas/dp/1580176763/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302045880&sr=8-1)  You can also find numerous organic bubble bath recipes for children online as well.  These will be non-toxic, safe and best of all, you control the ingredients!

The bottom line is we must read the ingredients of personal care items we purchase for ourselves and others and make conscience, informed and educated choices……

REFERENCES:

http://www.cosmeticsinfo.org/index.php

http://www.ewg.org/

http://www.johnsonsbaby.com/bathtime

http://www.purezing.com/living/toxins/living_toxins_dangerousingredients

Statham, Bill. What’s in your food?, Philadelphia, PA: Running Press Book Publishers 2006

(This is my opinion, protected by my First Amendment right to Freedom of Speech)

“I’m on the young side of old age,” Frank Myers….Age 74

All four of my grandparents are deceased.  How I wish I can magically make them appear, even for a day, just to ask them some questions.  For they hold my wisdom.  They hold the keys or the answers to my life’s questions.  If you are lucky enough to have a grandparent(s) alive, run to them and just hear what they have to say about life.  What you will learn will astound you.

Today, most of our elderly generation are on some kind of medication.  In fact, it is my understanding that 1 out of 2 Americans is on some type of prescription medication.  Unfortunately, side effects from long-term medications can affect the cognitive abilities of the brain.  It is becoming increasingly important to extract vital “words of wisdom” from our elderly population before the information is forever lost.  Therefore, I will be presenting a series of blog articles containing the interviews of both men and women in the richness of their later years, ages 70-100.  Did I ever tell you how much I love my job?   I get to be privy to such endearing, thought-provoking, inspirational and meaningful information…and I get to pass it all along to you…my readers.  I am in no way judging or editing the information but presenting it to you as I heard it.

_____________________

“I’m on the young side of old age,” is what I was told when I asked Frank Myers how old he was for this interview.  The quote blew me away.  It’s important to always view yourself as young, no matter what age you are.  While you may look in the mirror and see a different face than you had thirty years ago, you can always be young on the inside.  Fostering a positive attitude is an important aspect of aging.  And….a little bit of a sense of humor helps too!  

About Frank – I had the pleasure of interviewing Frank Myers at his office at SUNY Stony Brook.  Frank is SUNY Distinguished Teaching Professor Emeritus of political science.  I bet you’re wondering why he has an office at the University if he is retired.  He retired, after 47 years of teaching, to help take care of his wife of 54 years, who recently died of brain cancer.  Frank is now hired at the same university as an adjunct.  His life’s purpose has always been to teach and he loves everything about it.  Teaching allows him the freedom to set his own agenda.  It allows him to keep busy and has enabled him to have a good life.

Frank’s Tips –

1.        It is important to learn to like the things that are good for you. – Frank models his diet after the Mediterranean food pyramid.  He limits red meat, opting for mostly chicken and fish.  He eats lots of fruits and vegetables and limits sweets and alcohol.  Franks uses lots and lots of olive oil, opting to use it on an English muffin for breakfast instead of butter or margarine.  Frank has made himself the exact same lunch for the past thirty years: V8 juice, plain non-fat yogurt, 2 pieces of fresh fruit and a piece of bread usually wholegrain.  He didn’t like the yogurt so much in the beginning, but has “learned” to like it because he knows how good it is for him.  This lunch, he states, keeps him going from 1:00 pm to 6:00 pm without getting sleepy.  Tip: You may not like everything that is considered “good” for you, but give it a chance, because over time you will learn to like it. 

2.       Teach your body who is boss – Your mind knows what’s best for the body.  Frank walks one mile each day to and from work.  He advocates walking as the best exercise for the body.  It is important, he says, that you keep up with the walking even if it is bitter cold outside.  It is important to show your body who is the boss.  Tip: This is a typical example of mind over matter.  You may have to exert yourself, but you will be much better off in the long run.  Who’s the boss?

3.        You have to live and enjoy things – …even if this means eating an occasional sweet.  He enjoys eating sweets but does so in moderation.  Other enjoyments in his life are his two daughters and three grandchildren.  In addition, he enjoys cooking a good meal.  Tip: It is important to find the things in life that give you pleasure and joy.  You need not do them in excess, but rather in a way that brings you to the point of happiness and fulfillment.

4.       Practice good hygiene –He believes flossing your teeth is essential to general health.  If you do not floss at night, bacteria can build up on the food particles that are stuck between your teeth.   You will inhale these bacteria all night as you sleep into the back of your throat and down to your lungs.  This will weaken your immune system and make you more susceptible to colds and viruses.  He strongly recommends flossing your teeth every night.  Tip: It is important, no matter what age, to take good care of yourself and practice good hygiene.  Not taking care of yourself can lead to depression.  It helps to develop a routine and stick to it.

5.       “The most interesting things in life are sex and the 18^th century” – This quote was made by a writer named Brigid Brophy.  It speaks of love and romance.  Frank is absolutely captivated by the 18^th century.  He loves to read about it.  In addition, he loves classical music from the time period such as Beethoven , Gluck and especially Mozart.  Frank adds, “Like so many others, I have a special attachment to Mozart.  He’s really been a big part of my life.”  It brings him such inner peace to go to an opera, listen to classical music or read about this time period.  Tip: Find something you enjoy that soothes your soul.  It can be something you do with other people or something you can do alone.  Music has the power to inspire you, to soothe your soul and mind.  So just take those old records off the shelf………

Frank’s Words of Wisdom – “The key to life is balance.  Human beings must learn how to balance the body’s need for consistency with the mind’s need for variety.”  Our bodies need consistency and routine.  What that means is doing the same things at roughly the same time every day such as eating, sleeping, exercising, taking vitamins.  However, your mind and your spirit need variety.  If we don’t give the mind variety, we can become a bore.  We need to find things that keep us perpetually interested in life such as socializing with family and friends, reading books, listening to music, etc.  This will give us a positive outlook toward life.  It becomes a challenge when the body cries for consistency and the mind cries for variety, such as when you travel.  The mind is very happy when traveling because it gets to take in the beauty and richness of a new area.  However, the body may not be so happy because you may be eating things you wouldn’t normally eat or sleeping off schedule.  Frank says it’s crucial to find the balance between the two.  This is the key to life……………

MORE INTERVIEWS TO COME!!